like that would ever happen
by bi glttr n rokk star
Summary: hAryy an draky r n luvv. (aka i am annoyed by numerous amounts of cliche fics on ff.net)


I moved this from an old name to a new one.  
  
Warnings: slash, and badfic bashin'. S'bout it.  
  
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It was seventh year.  
  
Harry Potter entered the Great Hall sat down by Hermione and Ron who were now boyfriend and girlfriend.  
  
"Hey, guys. How are you two lovebirds doing?." The Boy Who Lived slumped in his chair.  
  
"Oh, we're great!" They exclaimed and the two of them kissed passionately. As it turned out, everyone had a boyfriend or girlfriend now. Ginny and Neville, Dean and Seamus, Colin and his little brother. heck, crabbe and goyle even had each other! It was like the school had been shot by a . uh. a humongous cupid love arrow! (this mystery is never solved!! Because the author is too lazy and only wanted to find a way to get the two main characters of her fic together easily. I am talking like the ultimate cliché catalogue, but not on purpose I promise.)  
  
Everyone in the ENTIRE Hall had a partner that they were now snuggling or kissing or groping or something, Harry observed as he scanned the hall. Everyone, that is except for the teachers, him. and Draco Malfoy, who was resting his cheek on his hand lazily.  
  
"Draco.." Harry sighed in ecstacy. "He's so *sexy*!" My sexy sexy dragon." a growl escaped from him, then he looked away when he heard a moan from under the table.  
  
"What was that Harry?" Hermione looked up from under the table where she and Ron had ended up.  
  
"Nothing, 'Mione." Harry smiled at his smart friend, not thinking it was weird at all that she was practically having sex with Ron Weasley under the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall where everyone could see.  
  
"Ok then!"  
  
The teachers all sat at the teacher table. "Those silly hormonal teenagers."  
  
While across the room at the Slytherin table, Draco Malfoy was banging his head against the table. Harry, Harry, Harry, Harry, *Harry*, Harry, Harry, Harry, Harry! His thoughts were thought in rhythm as his head hit the table. I'm in love with Harry Potter and he's practically the only person here that's not taken which is a coincidence and really *really* convenient.  
  
"Draco, wanna have sex tonight?!" Pansy chimed to Draco.  
  
"Nope, go have sex with Zabini."  
  
"No, Draco, *I* wanna have sex with you, too!" Blaise Zabini grinned. (who is a boy in this story, btw!)  
  
Draco quirked an eyebrow. Having sex with Blaise seemed a whole lot more fun with Pansy. but so much less fun that with Harry Potter and he was saving himself for that cause he'd never ever had sex before even though he was smashingly sexy and rich. "Aren't you two together?"  
  
Pansy bounced up and down "Well, we were considering a threeso - "  
  
"Nope." Draco got up and strutted out of the hallway because he didn't want to eat anymore after the thought of sex with Pansy.  
  
Harry's eyes followed Draco out of the Hall. "Excuse me everyone!" He got up.  
  
Everyone - Awww.  
  
"Yes, I know." Harry smiled warmly at the other Gryffindors. "I'll be back later after I get a good snog!"  
  
Everyone - YAY!  
  
Harry raced out of the Hall after Draco. "MALFOY!"  
  
"What, Potter?" Draco turned around abruptly, the window next to him letting the moonlight hit his face and accentuate his .features and such.  
  
Harry stopped and stammered. "I. um. uh. I'm in love you with Draco Malfoy!"  
  
Draco's eyes went wide and he burst into giggles. "I'm in love with you too Harry Potter, you great git! - Wait. uh.as long as I'm on top, I mean."  
  
"Ok. most of the time!!"  
  
"Deal."  
  
Harry pounced onto him and kissed him with a lot of passion and stuff.  
  
And Draco kissed back. and stuff.  
  
And since this is so odd, someone just has to walk by and that person is DUMBLEDORE. Who just smiles knowingly because he knew these two were in love all along cause it was so totally obvious. And he keeps walking undetected by the two boys, who are by now at the oral sex in the hallway.  
  
And since they're in a moment of heated passion, some just has to walk by and that person happens to be SNAPE who stops them for the sake of the readers approval of Harry Potter, who would never have *real* sex on the first date.  
  
"Mr. Malfoy! Mr. Potter! Get up or I'll deduct a lot of points from Gryffindor and give Draco a spankin'." He crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes.  
  
Harry looked up and wiped his mouth. "Whoops!" He giggled. "Yes sir! I'll see you tomorrow, Draco!" Harry smiled and practically skipped up to Gryffindor tower..  
  
Draco giggled and playfully hit Professor Snape on the arm. "Severus, how many times do I have to tell you that you stop us *after* I orgasm."  
  
"Sorry, Draco, I was temporarily distracted by the fact that you were getting head from Harry Potter."  
  
"Are you disappointed Sevvy?" Draco pouted.  
  
"Not really. Well, I was until I saw that tonguework. That was indeed impressive. And I could certainly see you enjoyed it. Damn, you remind me so much of your father during sex." He closed his eyes and smiled blissfully.  
  
"I know, I get that all the time." Draco snickered.  
  
Back in the common room, Harry sat in a chair, frantically tapping his fingers. Draco. Mmmm. Dracodracodracodraco. Strange that he used to be his worst enemy and now he was giving him head!. oh well!  
  
Suddenly, the room was being filled by the other Gryffindors, who all looked expectantly at Harry, wanting to hear about his snoggin' fun!  
  
Harry stood up on a couch. "I have an announcement to make, everyone!"  
  
They were all certainly attentive.  
  
"I'm gay and in love with Draco Malfoy!"  
  
Everyone cheered. "Finally!" Someone said.  
  
Harry looked confused.  
  
Hermione explained. "We saw that coming a loooooong time ago, Harry! We're so glad you're finally snogging that foul Death Eater's son." She grinned.  
  
Ron nodded. "Indeed. Even though I hate him, I'm still going to accept that you are in love with him and skip the arguments cause, in these types of stories, Hermione always talks me into believing in Draco, anyway."  
  
"Oh, Ron." Harry crosses his arms and everyone watching laughs.  
  
Draco skipped through the garden at Malfoy Manor since it was summer. "Lalalalala! I'm gay! Gay as could be! Do dee dee!"  
  
He picked up some flowers and sniffed them, then HARRY popped outta nowhere. "Hey, sugarplum, how is my snuggly wuggly Dracy wacy?"  
  
"Quite fine thanks!" And Draco kissed Harry PASSIONATELY. "Hey, Harry. I have a great idea! Let's tell my father that I'm gay and that I'm completely head over heels for his master's main target! (Even though my past is wretched with memories of him *raping* me and *beating* my mother and I!)"  
  
"Oh yes, let's!" and He kissed him with even more P-A-S-S-I-O-N than before  
  
"Yeah, cause he won't hex me or disown me or anything."  
  
"Course not. He's such a kind man. And Handsome too! I know where you get your dashing looks, Draco!"  
  
"Well, certainly!"  
  
The two boys locked arms and skipped up to the Manor, then rang the doorbell.  
  
Lucius Malfoy answered the door. "Hello, Draco. Hello, Harry Potter. Waydaminit. Harry POTTER? Wow! It's such an honor to have you here." He took Harry's hand and shook it. "NARCISSA! DRACO BROUGHT OVER HARRY POTTER!"  
  
Narcissa Malfoy popped her head into view with a cheery grin on her face. "Why hello Harry Potter! Would you like some tea? I'll make some for you even though I'm terribly rich and have servants. WAIT! I'm terribly rich and have servants! *They'll* make us tea! Teehee."  
  
"Oh, tea, that sounds lovely." Harry sighed and smiled, batting his eyelashes.  
  
"Indeed! And I have something very important to tell you!"  
  
They all sat down at the dinner table.  
  
"You have something to tell us Draco?" Lucius smiled warmly.  
  
"Yes, father. I do. I wanted to tell you. this.." And he reached over, grabbing Harry, and kissing him with much *much* and *MUCHO* passion. (pronounced "pas-see-own", like da France people)  
  
~*~Lots of tongue and slobber and kissing in front of one's parents later~*~  
  
They pulled apart and Draco looked his father into the eye.  
  
"I am madly, deeply, completely - "  
  
" - utterly, wretchedly, hopelessly - " Harry chimed in, with all the right facial expressions.  
  
" - unbearably, uncontrollably.. uh. (Damnit, Harry, you took my good describing words.) in love with Harry Potter. May I also mention that I'm completely gay and will never bear the offspring for the Malfoy family line, nor follow in your footsteps and be a Death Eater 'cuz that would break my little Harry's heart too much.."  
  
Harry nodded. "Yup."  
  
'Well damn, there goes any chance of my son reciprocating my lust for him!' Lucius sighed  
  
*crickets chirp*  
  
.  
  
"Oh, Draco! We're so proud of you!" The Malfoy parents launched themselves at Draco at the simultaneously and took their son into their embrace.  
  
They hugged each other for a while..  
  
Harry felt left out and frowned.  
  
All three of them smiled at each other knowingly and then embraced Harry together.  
  
"Welcome to the family Harry!!!"  
  
Harry's eyes went wide and he snapped away from his kissing Draco with pas- see-own and *passion*. "Ouch! My scar burns! This must be an omen!"  
  
Ron and Hermione then burst into the broom closet.  
  
"Harry! You-kno - *Voldemort* is attacking!"  
  
"Damnit!" Harry snapped his fingers and stood. "I must go fight him now. Draco, I'll be back soon!. Draco?. DRACO!?"  
  
Loud voice that is VOLDEMORT - hahahahahahaha! I have kidnapped your lovely little blonde boy and I will not make him to be my OWN!  
  
"Nuuuuuuu!!!!!" Harry fell to his knees and screamed towards the sky.  
  
"Come on Harry! If you want to save Draco, you must learn kung fu!" Hermione and Ron dragged Harry to Professor Sue (Sue. Mary Sue.) who is really good at Martial Arts and teaches Harry to find his inner power so he can save Draco.  
  
Harry stood before Voldemort. "You are evil and I *will* defeat you! *to the skies* Mother and Father! Give me strength!"  
  
Voldemort ssssssmirked eeeevilly. "You cannot defeat me! And while you were learning your useless muggle fighting techniques me and Draco had fun! Right Draco?"  
  
"Don't listen to him Harry! You know I love only you and I have only had sex with *you*! (even though I am unbearably 'hott' and super-fuckin' rich)"  
  
"Draco! How could you?"  
  
"Hahahahahaha!" - Voldemort.  
  
"Harry! I didn't! I LOVE YOU!"  
  
Harry then suddenly was filled with a power and pointed his wand at Lord Voldemort. "Avada Keda --"  
  
Voldemort laughed again, cutting Harry's spell off. "A small boy like you cannot defeat me with the dark arts killing curse that you have never practiced!"  
  
Harry sighed. "Fine then. I resort to this simple tactic." Harry reached over to Lord Voldemort and pressure pointed him.  
  
*THUMP* Voldemort collapsed.  
  
Harry chuckled light-heartedly and ran to Draco, hugging him tightly. "Are you alright, Draco?"  
  
"Of course! You have saved me! My GW plugHEEEERRROOO!!!/GW plug" Draco pounced him.  
  
Voldemort made an odd sound that sounded somewhat like moaning. Or I dunno. it was a sound.  
  
"Whoops." Harry walked over and pointed his wand at him. "Avada Kedavra" Voldemort burst up in flames.  
  
"Wow, for someone with absolutely no dark arts experience at all, you were able to kill a dark lord very easily with a DARK ARTS curse!" said draco  
  
"Draco! You and Professor Sue -but mostly professor sue- have given me the power to defeat Voldemort! I love you!"  
  
"Indeed." Draco smiled and then they ran back to somewhere where they could have VICTORY sex.  
  
Everyone - Awwwww...  
  
"I think we should go have sex, too, Hermione."  
  
"Not until we're married silly. That would make me look like a slut because everyone who has sex that is not the main character is automatically considered a one in stories like these."  
  
"Ah. K then."  
  
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A/N: The point of this story? I had read two horrible D/H in a row where they acted totally and completely out of character and EVERYONE knew the two of them were in love before they did ESPECIALLY Dumbledore. It *annoyed* be so much that got angry and thought I was gonna vent about it. But I wrote a story instead. 


End file.
